The Tale of a Soul and a Wild Horse
by lord Martiya
Summary: During his travels, Ranma Saotome was forced to be engaged with more girls he knows of. Now, the one he had always feared had tracked him down. Nerima, pray for mercy, for she is the Goddess of War and Violence!
1. Ranma, Engaged

That's my take at the classical _Sailor Moon_/_Ranma 1/2_ crossover. God may save you.

by lord Martiya

Disclaimer: the _Ranma 1/2_ manga and characters are Takahashi Rumiko's creation. The _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, its MANGA spinoff _Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon_ and all of their characters are the brainchildren of Takeuchi Naoko. This story and my own OC are my torture of a classical crossover format.

**ACT 1: RANMA, THE ENGAGED**

It was a glorious day for the Sailor Senshi. Finally Mamoru had managed to get Usagi pregnant, and her parents had forced a shotgun wedding, but not in the classical Japanese variant of the 'Oops Wedding'(1), with no clear or implied threat, it was in the Anglo-Saxon variant, with an actual shotgun. All said, at the main wedding party Mamoru had broken Tsukino Ikuko's shotgun, and now the Sailors were celebrating at Hikawa with some guests. Namely, the Moon Cats, their fellow advisor Diana the Moon Fairy(2), who was quarreling with Luna, Kakyuu with her guards, the rest of the Sol System Sailors (all finally located) save for the Amazzoness Quartet (still frozen for some century), the finally revived Shitennou, of wich Jadeite was literally kept at bow-point by Rei, their colleagues from the other worlds, Osaka Naru, Furuhata and the Superintendent-General of the Metropolitan Police, Sakurada Natsuna(3), who had been invited by Minako. After all, she was Minako's boss and big sisterly figure and the one who protected them from their notable criminal record(4), so it was the right thing to do. If only she, her date Wakagi(5), Artemis and Minako weren't in a corner mumbling something about corruption in the National Public Safety Commission(6), crazy samurais, explosives and Amazons...

"Why don't you ask for help?" one of the waitress, a blonde with a very pissed look and a candelier on the head asked.

"And who are you?" Superintendent Sakurada replied.

"Sailor Galaxia, ex-rogue Sailor serving her sentence to a chore for every Sailor of the systems I attacked."

"And you think you could help?"

"Me? Only if a Sailor order me as a chore when it comes to her. But Nem and her partner could. Between the sadistic bitch and her sarcastic bookworm partner..."

"Won't they get offended by you calling like that?" Wakagi asked.

"They ARE a sadistic bitch and a sarcastic bookworm, and they are the first to say so." Minako said. "Thanks, Queen Pikachu."

Galaxia went to serve someone else.

"What the hell was she doing here?" the Superintendent asked.

"Her Sailor Moon chore was paying for both parties, and to save some money she had Tin Nyanko cook all of the food and she's now serving with her Animamates." Minako explained.

"But... Why are you calling her a sadistic bitch?"

"SAY WHAT?!?!?!" Usagi shout.

Silence fell. After all, not even Beryl and Galaxia had ever managed to make her sound so scared and helpless, and it wasn't for a lack of efforts.

"I said, if your daughter won't show her power we could invent some sort of alien invasion or rebellion on my world and send her back in the time after hypnotizing her into believe some story outrageous enough to make us understand of the ruse." a voice replied.

"And this was Sailor Nemesis, Nem for short. And her future self will actually do so after brainwashing Galaxia's punching bag Wiseman(7)." Minako said. "She had even left around enough hints that Artemis, Luna and me immediatly figured it out but played along, and Usagi suspected it all the time... You should have seen the look on the others' faces when Usagi asked her future self if it had all been some prank on Nemesis' part and she actually confirmed... Still, with all her quirks she's the best law enforcer and judge I ever met, and her partner knows everything about law. Maybe they can help."

Wakagi though it wasn't a good idea, but his boss was of a different reason, and all of her seemingly ridicolous and random decisions had always produced good results (specially drawing Minako into the Force: from her they had met the Outers and the blackmailing material about many politicians they used to support themselves(8), blackmailing material they had used to raise funds and buy some much needed equipment for the Police), so they approached her while Usagi was muttering about knowing how the Black Moon ruse had been conceived.

"Sorry to disturb, but we need your advice." Minako said.

Nem turned and looked. And Natsuna and Wakagi jumped back in terror: between the 'If This Is Not Important Death Will Be The Soft Option' look in her eyes and her appearance, with a face who was a Mediterranean version of Usagi's (when the two were transformed and assumed the facial features and skin of their life in Silver Millennium(9) they were identical), an elegant body with a bust rivalling Setsuna and Makoto's and long knee-lenght black hair with two small odango on the sides of her hear, she was giving a very good impression of the mythological Nemesis just before she punished the Persian pride(10), even better than Minako's impression of her counterpart Aphrodite in a sexless day.

"Advice on what?" she asked with annoyed tone.

"Well, there's a criminal who is escaping prison thanks to corruption in the NPSC, and we were wondering if you knew how to have him arrested and punished." Minako said with her usual tone.

"Tell me."

"Well, in Nerima this Kuno Tatewaki and other loons had crushed the wedding between Saotome Ranma a-"  
"SAOTOME WHO?!"

"How many there are of them?" Artemis mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Nem asked.

"It's a long story..."

"I have time."

"WE have time." her partner added, pointing at himself and all the presents.

"OK, but no lynch mob." Sakurada ordered.

After listening of the crushed marriage and some of the other incidents, and understanding why Sakurada ordered to not form a lynch mob, Nem gave her advice: "You just continue arresting him and mauling every time he resists, his protectors will grow tired. If not, well, I'll found a way to stop them. In the meantime, you and them could vent on him."

* * *

Two days had passed from the failed marriage, and Ranma and Akane decided to try and return school. They would have returned the day before, but had to recover from the shock of Happosai having done something good: as he pointed out, Jusenkyo curses didn't canceled each other but summed, and his own godson Panthyose Taro was the ultimate evidence of that. When Ranma and Genma had tried the Instant Jusenkyo they took its effects as a confirm of the curses canceling each other, but they were actually another completely different curse capable to override the normal ones but with limited durability that the owner of the Jusenkyo trademark had sold with the name for marketing reason.

Now they were about entering, but Nabiki appeared and stopped them.

"Kuno was released, and him and the Hentai Horde are ready to attack." she said. "You sure?"

The two nodded. After all, they really needed to vent, and Kuno and the Hentai Horde were perfect. Then Kuno appeared.

"How you dare, Foul Sorcerer!" he cried. "The strenght of the Blue Thunder stopped your evil deed two days ago, still thou are here and keep the Fierce Tigress in your evil clutch! But fears not, oh Akane, I'll now sl-Hey! It's impolite attacking before the end of the speech! And what's this foul smell?!"

"Kuno Tatewaki, you are under arrest for assaulting!" was the reply.

Ranma looked at his side, and found out that Aino Minako, the police officer who had arrested Kuno two days earlier, had hit him with some foul smelling liquid.

"Now, Kuno, will you follow me or I'll have to force you?" Aino asked.

"Oh! How sad, that even you fell for his spell! But fears not, I'll now free you!" Kuno replied. "Saotome Ranma, prepare to die! I ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"

"What was that?" Akane asked.

"An incendiary arrow, while the liquid must be gasoline or something like that." Ranma replied.

"I know that. I was wondering who did that!"

"I believe it was a black haired girl, probably dressed as a miko and with a couple ravens with he-HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL HE DID FOR PISS OFF ONE OF THE SAILOR SENSHI?!?!?!"

A Sailor Senshi, the one named Sailor Uranus, was extinguishing the fire on Kuno by stomping on him with much violence. Then, while the cop shackled Kuno, she turned to Ranma and replied: "Ask your father how many engagements you have! And this idiot crashed your wedding and my best occasion to return home without killing you!!!" before mauling the Hentai Horde. And for a change, Akane didn't beated Ranma: the Sailor Senshi had declared clearly enough she was willing to kill to not marry Ranma and had just mauled ones of the people who had crashed her easy way out of her engagement, and the pigtailed martial artist was showing to have absolutely no clue about Sailor Uranus. Then, Ranma had to ruin everything, and check who had launched the arrow. And, in fact, it was a very beautiful miko armed with a yumi bow and not-lighted incendiary arrows and flanked by two ravens, one of them armed with a zippo. And while he gaped at her beauty, she talked.

"Greetings, future husband."

...

...

...

"RANMA, YOU PERVERT!!!"

footnotes

(1)That's the literal translation of the Japanese term 'dekichatta kekkon' used for the shotgun weddings.

(2)An unused character of the _Sailor Moon_ manga. Had she appeared, she would have met the Sailors in the ruins of Silver Millennium and would have followed Usagi at home, to Luna's dismay (the two would have not got along).

(3)A character from _Codename: Sailor V_. A closet fan of Sailor V, she tried to discover V's identity for the majority of the story in order to enroll her in the police. After giving up to chase idol, she befriended Minako and accidentally found she was Sailor V after seeing the Sailor Senshi enter in a toilet and Minako emerging immediatly after. In the last chapter we discover that her quest was successful: in the very last panels of the story Minako, now Sailor Venus, announce to a shocked Artemis that she would work part-time for Natsuna in spite of hating the police (and having caught many criminals only to make the police look bad).

(4)In fact they could be death sentenced if they weren't younger than 18: their criminal records include murder (Sailor Moon, Sailor Venus and the Outers had killed many humans, specially in the manga), illegal possession of weapons (the Space Sword, the Silence Glaive, the Mars Arrow, at least one katana used by Sailor V to kill a youma and the Holy Blade), property damage and assault. Interestingly enough, the dirtier records are Sailor Moon's and Venus', as they are the only ones to have actually assaulted and killed many human characters (Beryl, the brainwashed Endymion and Tomoe for Moon and Adonis for Venus), a feat that even the Outers had failed to, and not for lack of attempts (if only they were faster they would have killed Tomoe...).

(5)Another character from _Codename: Sailor V_, he's one of the many loves of Minako in spite of being the policeman in charge of discovering Sailor V's real identity and having a personal hatred for the Sailor-suited warrior stemming from her making police look bad, being the origin of many of his problems (as he always failed to discover V's identity the Superintendent-General even sent him in Siberia for a while) and having unwillingly stolen the first price of a lottery from his elder brother. At the end of the series he and Minako are somehow friends, and according to Minako the Suprintendent-General is in love with him.

(6)The cabinet office with authority on Japanese police.

(7)That's my take at the fact Uranus and Neptune had not exterminated the Black Moon Clan before they could wreak havoc. Come on, Galaxia had actually met Wiseman in a bar, and knowing the Golden Queen she would capture and torture him as antistress, and I seriously doubt that the Sailors could actually manage to keep it secret from the Outers. If nothing else, Chibiusa would have a slip with Hotaru, Hotaru would tell to her 'parents' and they would force Chibiusa to spill out everything and then search and kill the Black Moon Clan ancestors... More believable that a Sailor most ruthless than themselves would do it to force Chibiusa to develop her Sailor powers and follow a scheme they perfectly knew after borrowing Wiseman from Galaxia.

(8)Do somebody know where the Outers' funding come from? The blackmailing of a corrupted politician would be something they would actually do...

(9)I just didn't liked the 'Disguise Field' assumption of the fanon and I took an alternative explanation. After all, this would explain why the Moon Cats were able to guess who the Sailors were by just looking at their civilian identities and were completely sure about their partners (the humans they knew better).

(10)According to Greek legends, the Greek victory at Marathon was Nemesis humbling punishment for Persian assumption they would have won and their taking with them marble for a stele to record the beginning of their conquest of Greece, marble that the Athenians used to craft a statue of the goddess in her sanctuary in the nearby Rhamnous. Similarly, Athenians, or at least Aeschylus, attributed the Greek victory at Salamis and in the entire war to Nemesis' action to punish Xerses building a bridge across the Hellespont sea TWICE (the first had been destroyed by a storm), so perverting natural laws by walking on the sea, digging a channel to circumvent Mount Athos, so perverting natural laws by sailing on land, and having the sea whipped 300 times for destroying the bridge, so rebelling to divine judgement, all actions that provoked her fury by first inflicting the Persians a stop using the embarassingly little Greek force at Thermopylae and then many total defeats starting with Salamis.


	2. Rei, Girlfriend

I challenge you to figure out the identity of the alien invaders. If you can before I reveal it, I'll give you a spoiler of your own choice. By the way, Sailor Nemesis's cell tune is _Nemesis_, of the Shriekback, and I took the Ginga TV from the anime because I needed Galaxia and the Animamates having something to do on Earth before attacking and somebody crazy enough to go and document youma attacks...

by lord Martiya

Disclaimer: the _Ranma 1/2_ manga and characters are Takahashi Rumiko's creation. The _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, its MANGA spinoff _Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon_ and all of their characters are the brainchildren of Takeuchi Naoko. This story and my own OC are my torture of a classical crossover format.

**ACT 2: REI, GIRLFRIEND**

Ranma was quite incensed. Two days earlier, he was about marrying Akane and being cured by his curse. Then in just two days the Fiancée Brigade and Kuno crashed his wedding in a quite literal fashion, Happosai drank his cure and pretended to be thanked because the 'cure' would have only worsened the curse, he found out that another of his fiancées was a freaking Sailor Senshi who was willing to kill to not marry and had been caught with a quite sharp sword, and the most feared of his fiancées, Hino Rei, had tracked him down. And given that she had just lit aflame Kuno for her, she was probably a good friend of that crazy and violent policewoman. What was still missing? Right, Akane's mallet. Ranma closed his eyes, waiting for the mallet.

"RANMA, YOU PERVERT!!!"

Here it comes!

"Stop right there, co-fiancée." Rei ordered.

Ranma opened his eyes, and saw a mallet-wielding Akane being held at incendiary arrow-point by Rei. And the raven lit the arrow. Well, maybe this time something good would have came from his father's foolishness.

"Ranma, how managed your father to engage you to the only daughter of THE Hino Takashi(1)?" Nabiki asked.

"Who?" Ranma replied.

"Hino Takashi, an important member of the House of Councillors(2) for the Jiminto(3)!"

Ranma looked at Rei, who nodded in confirmation. And Ranma immediatly decided that he was doomed. When that man would discover about the multiple engagements...

In the meantime, Sailor Uranus had stopped to vent on the Hentai Horde, shocked by the event. She expected every other Sailor to pop out with a boyfriend, a marriage or an engagement. Every other Sailor but the married ones, her lover Sailor Neptune and herself, obviously. She expected even Makoto and Minako. Hell, the former scared most males with her own strenght but was appearing to develop a tentative relationship with Nephrite, while Minako had a new boyfriend every three days, and was dumped every fourth day after nearly killing them with a night of too much sex. But Hino Rei? The reincarnation of Sailor Mars, who had professed chastity until death to better serve Princess Serenity(4)?! And the fiancée being the Official Forced Manwhore of Japan, Saotome Ranma?! Well, at least she now understood why, according to Chibiusa, the Sailor Mars of the future, had the habit to shoot arrows at everyone who mentioned arranged marriages...

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HE'S ENGAGED TO A LESBIAN AND MISS 'I WILL NEVER MARRY'!!! IT'S LIKE A JOKE!!! OR A FANFICTION FROM THOSE TWO!!!" cryed Minako the moment she recovered from the shock of Rei's engagement. After she stopped laughing, she approached her friend and said: "Why don't you go to your fiancée home, while I deliver this imbecile and rally the group? By the way, Nabiki-chan, you can sell the info to whoever you want, there won't be repercussions. Not for you, at least."

* * *

Half an hour later, the Tendo Dojo had a very strange group of visitors: the new Tsukino couple (as Mamoru had took Usagi's last name. He wanted to do so even before the matriarchal Sailors threatened to make his life hell) and most of their marriage guests. Most of them because Kakyuu and the Starlights had to go return on Kinmoku. In their place there were Rei's grandfather, who Rei decided to bring along for very good reasons, and the un-Sailored versions of Galaxia and her Star Gardeners: even knowing only of Haruka's engagement, they had guessed that the thing would have been funny, so Sailor Starmaker had chored Galaxia to record the meeting, and the armored destroyer of worlds came after charging the Star Gardeners and the Animamates minus Aluminum Siren to keep Heavy Metal Papillon away (nobody had still understood how to hide her butterfly wings, and a winged woman was just too strange for all of Tokyo, even for Shiba districts and all of his recent low-power youma incidents). And, obviously, the Tendos were a bit distressed at having so many beautiful girls and young women in their house.

"Genma... WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?!?!?!" Soun 'gently' asked.

"Er... I... Well... How can I tell..." Genma babbled.

"Maybe I can tell." Rei's grandfather said. "Here it's how it happened."

_**FLASHBACK**_

Eight years earlier, Hikawa Shrine on Sendai Hill(5). Genma Saotome and Rei's grandfather were talking before a cup of tea.

"Thank you for your hospitality and letting Ranma learn Kyudo(6) and Yabusame(6)." Genma said politely.

"Yes, no big." Rei's grandfather replied. "At least for the hospitality. But for the lessons..."

At that point they heard fight noises, and looked outside the window.

"Well, your son and Rei are getting along rather well." Rei's grandfather said.

"What about those arrows?" Genma replied.

"Blunt heads and not lits, she's just playing."  
"She? I though..."

"Yes, she's a bit tomboy, specially after her father's secretary married. She had a crush on him(7), and after that she wasn't very lively..."

Rei's grandfather sighed, then giggled.

"Hey, I have an idea! We could arrange them in a marriage!" he joked.

"Done!" Genma replied producing the needed paperwork.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"I was just joking, but Saotome-san took me seriously..." Rei's grandfather said. "After that, I immediatly told to Rei, who forced the Saotome to remain at Hikawa for a while and hammered some good manners in him. After all, she couldn't have a fiancée wilder than a wild horse in heat..."

At that point, Rei's grandfather ran away to evade his granddaughter's temper, while the Tendo now understood where the VERY occasional good manners of Ranma came from. Then, just a second before the sadly aborted shot of a poisoned arrow at Genma's crotch, Chaos took its revenge at the Sailors.

"Oh, my son is so manly!!! Even mikos fall for him!"

**CRASH!**

"Who dare to steal Airen from Shanpoo?!?!?!"

**BOOM!**

"HOHOHO!!! Nobody would stand between Ranma-sama and me!!!"

**WHOOSH!**

"Good morning, I'd need your life energ-oh, bugger! Well, at least there's a lot of beautiful girls..."

"This is Madness! No! This-Is-FURINKAAAAAAAN!!! Wait, one is missing..."

In the order, Nodoka started cheering at Ranma being engaged with Rei, Shanpoo had opened a hole in the wall while entering to kill the foreign woman who wanted Ranma, Kodachi had blown up a part of the wall to enter and dissuade the 'harlot' who wanted Ranma, a pointy-eared alien had teleported in to steal life energy only to recognize Galaxia and drooling at the beautyful girls before the killing blow, and Minako misquoted _300_ and noted that Ukyo wasn't there.

"Care to leave, you three intruders?" Rei asked coldly.

"I'd like being photographed with the Warlady first. Maybe I'll be able to make my boss rethink about invading Earth..." the alien said. "Hey, I'm just doing what I'm paid for! And saving my people and trying to seduce my kitten, by the way!"

The poor alien had been pinned on the wall by a hail of arrows (Rei), armor-piercing roses (Mamoru), ninja projectile weapons (the general of the Moon Anorthite(8) and his Saturnian counterpart Calcite) and Congolese multi-bladed throwing knives (the general of Nemesis, Malachite(9). If you have ever seen those knives, you know why he used them). All of them and the others were trying to figure out what he was meaning with the 'seduce my kitten' part.  
"Kin-chan, can you be photographed with him? Maybe we can prevent this battle..." Usagi suggested to Galaxia using one of the few appreciable nicknames she got (even if she found a bit understimating being called 'Gold-chan'. She had a gold theme, but that...).

"OK, OK..."

Galaxia posed near the alien just for being photographed by Minako's camera, then freed the alien, who grabbed a copy of the photo and vanished in a subspace portal.

"This was a new one." Ranma stated. "Now, WHY YA PESTS'RE HERE AFTER CRASHIN' MAH WEDDIN'?!?!?!"

"Ranma, language." Rei whispered.

"Sorry. WHY YOU PESTS ARE HERE AFTER CRASHING MY WEDDING?!?!?!"

"Sorry, Ranma-sama, I had heard of another woman who wanted to marry you, and not knowing it was Hino-san I came to stop the assumed harlot." Kodachi said quietly. "I'm really sorry. Nabiki-san, that's for today. Good day, Ranma-sama. Hino-san, I entrust Ranma-sama to your care. HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

Kodachi waned in a whirlwind of black rose petals after paying for the damage she did entering, while Ranma looked at Nabiki.

"What? She always paid the materials and the job. Who do you believe is paying for rebuilding your family home?" Nabiki replied.

"**DIE!!!**"

Shanpoo attacked Rei with one of her maces. And Galaxia couldn't help but giggle at what was about to happen. And she was partly responsable alongside Sailor Nemesis.

_**FLASHBACK**_

It had happened just after Chaos defeat. She and all the other unstarseeded people reappeared in the place she were before dying. And for Galaxia that meant reappearing before a still wary Sailor Moon, a very pissed Sailor Nemesis who had just removed her Sailor Chibichibi/Sailor Cosmos costume and a shit-scared and very pissed Tuxedo Kamen. There would have been even the Amazzoness Quartet, but Sailor Chibimoon and the future Sailor Nemesis had prevented them from taking part in the beating. After that, she, her Animamates, the Star Gardeners and Lethe and Mnemosyne had been tried, with Sailor Nemesis as judge.

"This court declare all of you guilty." she sentenced. "Sailor Lethe and Sailor Mnemosyne. I sentence you to one hour spanking from Sailor Jupiter and one hour spanking from Sailor Uranus. May your gods show mercy to your butts."

The two Sailors looked at each other puzzled. They had heard that Nemesis' sentences were quite sadistic, and they had been sentenced to spanking. They still didn't knew that Sailor Jupiter physical strenght eclipsed the one of most Sailors and Sailor Uranus was much stronger, at least when they were transformed. After the spanking, they couldn't even HEAR their names without pain in their butts.

"Sailor Galaxia, Star Gardeners, Sailor Animamates. I sentence you to chores." Sailor Nemesis continued. "All of you will do a chore for every other Sailor save for Sailor Lethe and Sailor Mnemosyne. The Sailors will choose the chore. The court reserves to herself the right of the first chore. The following turns will be decided by Fate. So Mote, So It Be."

Sailor Nemesis abandoned her seat and went to Galaxia.

"Your first chore will be TRAINING all the Sailors, and the Generals of Sol System. The Animamates will serve as target." she said with a smile.

"Wait, you are ORDERING me to torture you and all the others until you're good enough to serve as my sparring partners?!" Galaxia asked.

"Yes."

"OK, what's the catch?"

"Why should I ruin the surprise?"

_**END FLASHBACK**_

The catch had been the three worst experiences of her life. The third worst had been explaining the theory to Sailor Moon: in spite of overpowering her, she was quite naive, her lexic in ancient Moonish contained very little of combat oriented and no modern Earth language had the words to express the concepts. Once understood she was a very fast learner, but until then... The second worst had been teaching theory to Mercury: she had good knowledge of the necessary terms, and was one of the most intelligent persons she had ever met, but was also too inquisitive. Every day Galaxia had suffered of headaches capable to break open entire planets... The worst, eclipsing both experiences COMBINED, had been sparring with the Martians. Jadeite was the trickiest person in the world, and had crippled all of them twenty times EACH, and with always new tricks. Sailor Mars had been even worst: she was the most vicious, ruthless and ferocious fighter the known universe had ever produced. It was almost like a double personality: in normal conditions she was calm, quiet and stoic, but when in combat she was so ferocious that in this life had burned Jadeite to ashes while trying to CAPTURE him.

Ancient Greeks called her Ares and believed her a male divinity scary almost as Nemesis. Romans called her their father, and when somebody was stupid enough to break a treaty with them... Syracuse had been burnt to the ground and the population completely slaughtered. Carthage had been burnt to the ground, most of their men had been slaughtered and the survivors, regardless of sex and age, sold as slaves. Entire Gaul and Germanic tribes had been literally canceled from history by Caesar wrath, and Caesar had been famous for being SOFT, for a Roman. The Hebrews had to be protected by some divinity to have survived three rebellions against Rome. The Partians had been spared by total conquest and carnage by a timely Hebraic rebellion, but had been mauled so badly that the Sassanid dinasty found no resistance into conquering them into its new Persian Empire. The new Persian Empire had been all but destroyed by the Romans of the Eastern Empire, to the point that the relatively weak Arabic tribes had conquered it without meeting resistance. In battle, the Eastern Roman Empire used the mean relative of napalm at every occasion, and with their unextinguible liquid fire, that western people called Greek fire, they burned to ashes their enemies for centuries, including their own rebelling forces. And Sailor Mars was the worthy parent of that people, and now knew how to use her powers well enough to burn Tokyo to ground without even transforming.

So, no wonder that Rei blocked Shanpoo's mace with a single bare hand.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"You obstacle between Shanpoo and Airen! Obstacle must die!" the Chinese girl replied.

"You shall retire at once or I will have to defend myself."

The ultimatum had been whispered, but everybody had heard it, and shivered. Still, Shanpoo was too proud to even consider her a threat, and charged a hit with the other mace.

One istant later, Shanpoo saw the look in Rei's eyes and tried to jump away in fear. That and her reflexes, that made her spike and concentrate her ki in the frontal part of her body saved her life: Rei counterattack consisted in pouring so much heat in the first mace to vaporize it, and the cloud of vaporized metal, hot as the surface of the Sun, canceled the ground where she had been standing, her clothes, her hair and her skin, and her muscles suffered horrible burns.

One istant later, a doctor teleported in from Silver Millennium, called by Minako the very second she had spotted Shanpoo preparing the first hit. The doctor looked at her and then teleported out with the wounded.

"He should be able to save her." Minako said. "Just never provoke her and she won't burn you, OK?"

Everybody nodded, terrified. After all, while Ranma, Jadeite, the Sailors and their associates had seen her in battle at one point or other (yes, even Ranma: while he was at Hikawa there had been a woman possessed by a demon called Belial(10), and Rei helped his banishment with incendiary holy arrows in his butthole after he left his host to attack), they just didn't expected her to be WILLING to torture somebody like that.

"What's happened?" she wondered.

"You didn't calculated the cloud of vaporized metal, did you?" Malachite replied.

"I just wanted to disarm her and gave her a very bad burn on the hand, and then light her clothes and hair."

"I blame _Star Trek_ on that. If they only called it disintegration... And no, I NEVER lose my good mood, unless you really piss me off..."

_Note to self: she can kick Master's ass and is ruthless._ Genma though. Then, had the greatest idea of his life: setting her against Happosai. _Now, where's Master?_

"Blame it on whoever you want." Rei said. "Now, Ranma, it was funny meet you again, but we need to deal with this... complication."

Rei LOOKED at Akane, who instantly winced, and Soun, who literally shitted himself.

"But it's time I'll search a place nearby." she continued. "I don't want to travel all the way here from Minato every day, and..."

"You can be my guest." Galaxia said.

"What?"

"I live nearby. Here's my address. I'll wait you there..."

_**PRIEST AND CANNIBALS! PREHISTORIC ANIMALS!**_

_**EVERYBODY HAPPY AS THE DEAD COME HOME!**_

_**BIG BLACK NEMESIS!**_

"Hallo?" Sailor Nemesis said in her cell phone. "Yeah... So, they can't deal with that, not even with their toned down Tuxy? Ah, so much... Right. We're on the way."

Nem smiled and looked at the hosts, then said: "We're sorry, but we've something to do back in Minato. Rei, why don't you have your fiancée walk you home?"

With that suggestion Nem snapped her fingers and the Sailor and their associates minus Galaxia, Phobos, Deimon and Rei disappeared.

"Before you ask, they see stranger things on a daily basis." Galaxia said before teleporting away in a golden flash.

Rei looked at Ranma, who merely nodded.

"What this place is, the brainspawn of Takahashi Rumiko?" Rei wondered.

"How do you know our next-door neighbour(11)?" Akane replied.

Rei facefaulted.

* * *

In Minato, near the sea, a second pointy-eared alien was leading a youma attack. A rather large, youma attack: following suggestion from the one who had just been photographed with Galaxia, they were 9001. And as every good manga villain, he exposed himself and declared: "This time you shall fall. And..."

"Good morning, I'm Reiko Aya, for Ginga TV News! Can I interview you?!" Sailor Aluminum Siren asked with a megaphone. She was in a civilian disguise that made her appear like a gangster, and quite determined to document the battle.

"Er... OK..."

"Good! Now, why do yo want to conquer Earth?!"

"Er... I'm not authorized to tell... Wait a second, why am I talking with you?!?!?!"

"Because I'm a journalist and you just agreed to an interview!"

"Did you had to do this job?!"

"Hey, I applied as a Sailor Senshi, but the job is hereditary! But I am the journalist, you the one being interviewed, so stop questioning and come here, so I can do my job better and without this stupid thing! OK?!"

The alien, more puzzled at every second, could only nod and comply, while another littler alien laughed at him.

"Good! Now, why are you targeting Minato ward most than the rest of the world combined?" Aluminum Siren asked.

"Well, we are searching a thing in Minato." the alien replied.

"Is it so indispensable to do something idiotic like attacking the home ward of the Sailor Senshi?"  
"The Sailor Senshi of this system died over ten thousand years ago, when Beryl attacked the Silver Millennium and Sailor Saturn went crazy, and were never replaced. Those are just imitations!"

"Dude, they're the real thing, they reincarnated." declared the alien who had been photographed with Galaxia. "I just met them while searching for some life energy in Nerima, and they have even tamed Galaxia!"

"WHO?!?!?!"  
"Sailor Galaxia! The Soldier of Solitude! The Golden Queen of Shadow Galactica! The gold-themed warlady with a trash fetish! Miss 'I Destroy Planets Better Than Frieza And With Flimsier Justifications Too'!"  
"I understand, I understand! But do you realize how difficult is believe something like this?"

The alien who had met Galaxia produced the photographic evidence.

"Oh, my... This seems Galaxia while not in armor!" his pal said.

"No, she IS." was the reply. "And if I was in your shoes I'd run away: they were teasing Sailor Mars about her love life, and if half of the rumors are true, Venus and Nemesis will be PISSED. Can you show the picture to the boss?"

"_**VENUS! LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!**_"

"_**IGNIS LUSTRALIS!**_"

The youma army was obliterated by the pissed chain-wielding Senshi of Love and the equally pissed but CAPITAL EXECUTION AXE-wielding Senshi of Retribution. The fact the latter she used one hand to wield her axe, whose blade was taller and thicker than herself and the handle even longer, was something that underscored her threat level. For the other Sailors and their associates, they were watching from a safe distance.

"My army..." the alien who had summoned it said.

"And they were OVER NINE THOUUUUUUUUUUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!" his pal replied. "He chose the time of the attack, that's not my fault."

"We HATE that meme." was Kunzite reply.

The three aliens disappeared, with the one who led the army that could be heard asking about the Over Nine Thousand.

"The alien attack has been repelled by the Sailor Senshi. This is Reiko Aya, for Ginga TV News!" Sailor Aluminum Siren said in the camera.

footnotes

(1)Rei's parents names were given in the live action version as Takashi (the politician father) and Risa (the deceased mother).

(2)The upper house of the Japanese Diet.

(3)Short for Jiyu-Minshuto, the Liberal Democratic Party that ruled Japan from 1955 to 2009. Hino Takashi was stated being an important member of this party.

(4)As shown in a special chapter of the manga, _Casablanca Memory_. To make things clear, in this fanfic I'll use the MANGA version of _Sailor Moon_. The Rei you'll find here will be a stoic priestess-in-making, and her best friend will be Minako.

(5)There are THREE Hikawa Shrine in Minato ward. The manga and this fanfic one is the one in Juban, on Sendai Hill. The anime one is the Akasaka one, while the live action one is apparently the Shirokane one (as the temple's scenes were filmed at Shirokane's shrine).

(6)These are the two disciplines of Japanese archery. Kyudo is the foot archery, while Yabusame is mounted archery. Both makes use of longbows, and are linked to Shinto religion (today Yabusame is mainly ritualistic and executed near Shinto temples). On a bit of trivia, Shinto clergy are generally skilled archers, and are often represented as such in anime and manga, and Rei is implied as such since the debut of her Mars Flame Sniper attack.

(7)See _Casablanca Memory_. Takashi's secretary in the manga, Kaidou, was the love interest of the young Rei, but Takashi arranged him a marriage with the daughter of the Jiminto leader.

(8)The kind of stone that makes most of the Moon.

(9)To whoever had watched the US version of the _Sailor Moon_ anime: the white-haired general is actually named Kunzite. I don't know why he was the only one who got the name changed for another stone, but as the Nemesis' general is his Outer counterpart I gave him the dub's name)

(10)Quite an important demon of guilt and lies: while a respectable and polite person, he's reputed capable to induce every sin, especially those related to sex and lust, and listed by _Ars Goetia_ as one of the most powerful Princes of Hell, commanding 80 legions of demons. Some apochrypha call him the Antichrist...

(11)By the way, the famous mangaka Takahashi Rumiko, author of _Urusei Yatsura_, _Ranma 1/2_, _Inuyasha_ and many other mangas, actually LIVE in Nerima. I don't believe there's many other people capable to live near the Tendos and still keep an appearance of sanity.


	3. Sailor Lead Crow, Informant

In this chapter I'll enlarge the crossover. You know our archeologist, but Mitsuhashi, from _Kyou kara Ore Wa!!_, is... Exactly how I'll describe him. Even in look.

by lord Martiya

Disclaimer: the _Ranma 1/2_ manga and characters are Takahashi Rumiko's creation. The _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, its MANGA spinoff _Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon_ and all of their characters are the brainchildren of Takeuchi Naoko. The _Kyou Kara Ore Wa!!_ manga and character are the spawn of the sadistic mind of Nishimori Hiroyuki. This story and my own OC are my torture of a classical crossover format.

**ACT 3: SAILOR LEAD CROW, INFORMANT**

Ranma and Akane were walking Rei at Galaxia's home, the first two wondering how Rei was friend of THE Emeraldas Maetel, founder/owner/director/slave driver of Ginga TV, the latter wondering about Galaxia's pseudonim. The poor girl was now doomed to receive a LONG and boring explanation from Malachite, the self-proclaimed Greatest Fan of Matsumoto Leiji(1), and Adamite, the General of Pluto, so nerd that it was originally reincarnated in three different people, namely Umino Gunrio, Amano Gurizaku(2) and 'Mercurius'(3), to divide his nerdiness and prevent other people from killing him before being awoken and his three bodies and personalities reunited. Poor Rei... Half-way, Rei decided to tell Ranma something.

"Ranma, make no mistake: I'm not here to marry you." she said. "I'm here because I heard about your current life from Minako, and I never let a friend go."

"YAHOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Ranma, your fiancée is quite lively..."

"She just know she can't compare to yo-" Ranma tried to say before being malleted.

Rei looked at her funny. And saw in Akane's eyes the signs of a HUGE inferiority complex.

"Don't worry, I'm not interested in marriage, or men." Rei said.

"Kaidou's still an issue, isn't he?" Ranma asked.

"No, it's just that I have better things to do. The only use I have for a boyfriend is bossing him around, and I have a blonde with my father's name for that."

"Is the blonde guy named Takashi?" Akane asked.

"Yes, Mitsuhashi Takashi. Uh? What did I said?"

Ranma and Akane were looking at her with the mouths hanging open.

"Mitsuhashi Takashi from Chiba?" Ranma asked.

"Yes..."

"The Blonde Fury of Nan High?" Akane asked.

"I believe they called him like that before he graduated..."

"Best friend with a guy called Ito Shinji with hair like a sea urchin and a beautiful girlfriend named Kyoko who's less defenceless than Akane?"

"Yeah..."

"Boyfriend of a short Riko girl who's heir to an Aikido dojo and is strong almost like me?"

"Yes..."

"Persecuted by an idiot called Imai and a fanatic called Nakano?"

"How do you know?"

"HOW?!?!?! HIS TRICKS ARE LEGEND IN OUR SCHOOL!!!"

"When they say Anything Goes they mean it, I forgot... I just wonder what he's doing right now..."

* * *

Chiba.

Jadeite, or, better, Mitsuhashi, was being confronted by Imai. Who was smiling like a madman, making Ito, Kyoko and Riko wonder about his last plan.

"I found your secret, Mitsuhashi." he said with triumphant tone. "You are an alien!"

"So? It's years I'm telling I'm a Martian." Jadeite replied.

"Uh uh... I know... But now I know your weak point! BEHOLD!!! KRYPTONITE!!!"

Imai produced a brilliant green stone. The presents looked at him, then started laughing.

"Hey! He fell for that! I'll give your share later!" Nephrite announced from distance.

Imai had been ridiculed. Again. And this time, he even PAID for it.

"That's even better of the rose bet!" Mitsuhashi shout after a while.

"Wait... It's because you that the boss started using roses as projectiles(4)!" Nephrite exclaimed in understanding. "I swear I'll never bet with you!"

* * *

At her home, Galaxia was showing Rei her room.

"Nice, isn't it?" the Golden Queen asked.

"Yes... I was wondering, why do you have a home and a TV here on Earth?" Rei inquired.

"Short version: many years ago I got drank and pregnant, and some idiot had the gallant to steal my child. So I went on Nemesis, borrowed some money and founded Ginga TV to cover my search with the social initiatives my network is famous for."

"Oh..."

"And the best part is, all the equipment is TRASH, coming straight from dumps on Nemesis and repaired by Death Phantom. He's very good at that... On Nemesis, that's trash, on Earth, that's high technology, better than military one! And I was even paid for taking it! It costed the dumps less than disposing! So?"

"When I'll tell Minako she'll ask for sure, so... Do you have a trash fetish because you're short-handed or what?"

"What. A suggestion: watch Ginga TV this evening, we have a special about the Sailors".

At that point Galaxia went in her own room laughing as a madwoman. And if two years of training under her had though Rei something it was that when Galaxia laughed an Evil Laugh without a trash joke, somebody somewhere was about to risk an heart attack.

* * *

Later, that evening, Rei followed Galaxia's advice and watched the special. Host: Karasuma Akane, A.K.A. Sailor Lead Crow. Guest: the world famous archeologist Lara 'Tomb Raider' Croft, 11th Countess of Abbingdon. Argument: a temple near Tokyo, impossibly ancient at over fifteen thousand years (estimate), build with unknown means, and filled with over two dozens series of statues, the most ancients old as the temple, and with impossible subjects.

"I'm not sure I understood well... Did you just said you found the Sailor Senshi portraied in ten thousand years old statues?" Lead Crow asked.

"I couldn't believe it myself." lady Croft admitted. "But, look..."

At that point were shown various photos. Photos of a statue of Sailor V and one of Sailor Venus at her first appearance, photos of Sailor Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, in short, all the Sailors of the Sol systems, both Planetary and Asteroid.

"After recognizing the Sailor Senshi, we were about closing it and start searching the culprit of the assumed hoax, but toda your news gave us an evidence of their authenticity." Lady Croft continued. "Namely, the interview at the aliens that were attacking Tokyo."

"Do you mean the mention of the Sailor Senshi dying ten thousand years ago?" Lead Crow asked.

"That one. It matches data we have deciphered in the temple."

"Can you be more specific?"

"Yes. In the temple we have found chronicles of an ancient Moon-based space empire spanning all the Sol System, with protectorates in half of the galaxy. The most recent chronicles talk of a terroristic organization called Dark Kingdom wreaking havoc on Earth, then stops abruptly. A second stele, relatively recent, records on how this Dark Kingdom managed to brainwash most of Earth population and part of the imperial forces on Earth and, willingly helped by five important cities, launched attacks on the planets of Sol System while the imperial space fleet was engaged repelling an unspecified invader. The outermost planet, called Nemesis, is reported to have slaughtered the Dark Kingdom forces, but the other planets didn't fare so well and their populations were forced to enter stasis bunkers, and Moon was invaded. According to the stele, the return of the imperial fleet alongside the stele author, who called herself Sailor Galaxia, was the deciding factor, repelling the invasion and literally bombing Earth back into stone age. Yet even Moon fell, as the misfire of an imperial weapon literally wiped out life from the satellite."

Lead Crow knew the story, and in fact SHE had been the author of the stele (at the time Galaxia couldn't write something readable to save her life in spite of being a gifted storyteller while Lead Crow had a very good calligraphy). Still, she acted as she had been completely ignorant, and reacted with very convincing surprise. But Lady Croft still wasn't finished.

"The fate of the five cities is also something very interesting." Lady Croft continued. "One of them was temporarily spared as it was hosting a group of refugees and had to be invaded later the hard way, but the other four were literally destroyed with Fire and Brimstone. The stele calls the spared city Bela, the destroyed ones Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah and Zeboim, and what destroyed them was called Zeliel. And the angel that in the Bible destroyed the sinner cities of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah and Zeboim with Fire and Brimstone but spared their ally Bela for hosting Lot was called Zeruel(5), or Zeliel."

At that point Rei stopped watching, transformed for the anticipated fight and went into Galaxia room. There, she found two surprises. First, for how close-fisted she was, Galaxia had spent the money needed to fill her room with enough high-quality Black Poison Crystal to prevent transformation for the Sailors by absorbing the magic that should fuel it, like the Black Moon Clan did with Sailor Moon in the future during the Great Scam, and give the edge to her automated lasers. Second, Sailor Nemesis and Malachite had arrived first, and that had foiled her plan: the two not only knew almost all the ways to shut down the draining powers of the crystal, but owned two of the three master remotes for the crystals. Good old queen Serenity Medeia the Paranoid, who had ordered to alter the refined Crystal to be shut down with a remote and gave the remotes to high-level law enforcers, herself and the guardians of Nemesis...

Thus, an untrasformed Galaxia was pinned to a wall by Sailor Nemesis and completely unable to transform as Malachite had took her Saffer Crystal from her. And, to be safe, Malachite was keeping his sword in contact with Galaxia's skin. Given that the sword was a custom-made schiavona crafted in the most draining Black Poison Crystal ever refined, that should have been more than enough even for the millennia-old Sailor.

"You're just in time. Would you like do the question?" Nemesis asked.

"OK. Galaxia... Why?" Mars asked.

"Because Sailor Pluto's tongue had a slip that confirmed my guess: thou shall take over the world." Galaxia replied. "She said that the takeover will happen shortly before Sailor Chibimoon's birth and that she would be Sailor Moon's only daughter. Now, Sailor Nemesis, you are a doctor and an healer over everything else, Sailor Mercury is studying to become one, Silver Millennium has recovered its many medical facilities and excellent doctors, and Sailor Moon is pregnant of a girl. Why don't start telling the public opinion you live to protect but are powerful enough to bomb them back into stone age and will do so if provoked? This should tell the good boys you're on their side and the smart boys they have no chance to win against you, and lessen the resistance. And for the guys foolish enough to give you a reason to fight... Well, just try to limit the collateral damage, O-"

"SAILOR GALAXIA, WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THAT SPECIAL?!?!?!"

"I'm glad to see you too, Pluto... As I just ex-"

"We hope you have a good reason for that."

"Hello, Uranus, Neptune and Saturn. Now, a-"

"Galaxia, why?"

"Hello, Endymion, Shitennou, why don't you take some chairs while we wait for the others?"

Sailor Moon didn't came: Mamoru, Sailor Nemesis and Ami had convinced her to go to sleep to prepare for when she would need during pregnancy. And Galaxia used that to point how improbable was that she miscarried. Then, with all the Sol Sailors and the generals presents, the question came.

"Why should the governements fight us? They'd have no chance!" Nephrite pointed out.

"Fear? Idiocy? Greed?" Aragonite, the gigantic Neptune general, replied.

"And, by the way, they may believe they can actually win." Malachite said. "As you know, a considerable and growing group of nations has access to advanced technology, and they have now a couple dozens of battleships armed with four plasma beams, three dozens railguns and nuclear missiles in the high-megaton range, and can be outfitted with strategic multi-gigaton nuclear weapons powerful as everything we have save for the planet busters and complemented by very good starfighters that may carry nukes if needed. And all the data they have on Silver Millennium is that we are the remains of a once powerful star empire, with military technology slightly inferior to what they scavenged. Now, I know our military technology advanced in the meantime and is superior to anything they have and we are not so defenceless, but do they know? Maybe one day they'll know, but will they BELIEVE? Will they WANT to believe?"

Silence fell. Then...

"Are you sure you're not related to Serenity Medeia? For you're a bit paranoid. Seriously, not wanting to believe what they see..." Galaxia said.

"In order: yes, but only in law." Malachite replied. Then he grinned and said: "And she wasn't so paranoid. I'd say prevident. Kunzite, I believe you can provide evidence."

"Yeah... That time I actually shitted my pants..." Kunzite admitted.

_**FLASHBACK**_

It happened. Finally, it happened: Beryl was now queen of Earth, or, better, the Dark Kingdom. The coup had been so fast that Earth military, what little had remained loyal to the legitimate monarchy and had escaped brainwashing, could not react before destruction at the hands of overwhelming hordes of youma. Now she and the Shitennou were on a spaceship leading the imminent invasion and conquest of the other worlds.

"Open a channel with Silver Millennium." Beryl ordered. "We'll offer them a chance to surrender and live as our subjects."

"O-Incoming broadcast from Silver Millennium." the communication officer said.

Suddendly all the screen showed a queen. Not the reigning queen Serenity Tranquillity VIII: in spite of being nearly identical, the woman had pointed odango vaguely similar to rabbit ears and black-reddish hair that identified her as Serenity Tranquillity VIII's late mother, queen Serenity Medeia, the Paranoid Queen, as many people called her. Not exactly they would like to see, not when they were invading what was once her seat.

"Greetings, traitors from Earth." Serenity Medeia said. "If you're watching this registered message it means Earth is rebelling to the Moon Kingdom. It also means that the missiles I had prepared just in case had been launched. I gladly announce you that my missiles will emit the mother of all EMP pulses, disrupting every form of Terran technology until high orbit, and that my granddaughter, not the heir apparent, the one I hidden away, now owe me ten cerces. Good return to primitive life, traitors. At least until my dear daughter and successor won't send troops to subjugate you. Pray she decides against sending Sailor Nemesis."

The transmission ended, and the ship was nearly hit by one of the titanic missiles.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"And the worst part is that, according to Malachite, the missiles were ready for over one hundred years, only the message was recent. Seriously, if Metallia didn't protect the ships from the EMP-pulses that would have been the end of Dark Kingdom..." Kunzite said.

"And we still don't know who was that hidden princess or where she was hidden." Zoisite added.

"In plain sight." Galaxia said. She had met Queen Serenity Medeia once, and the impression she got still gave her nightmares, but anticipating such a rebellion by over a century, preparing the weapons to bomb Earth back into stone age (what the Outer Senshi, herself and the fleet did had been just killing defenceless enemies, but they didn't knew) and hide a secondary heir to the throne in plain sight was ridicolous, even for her. "At least now I know why back then Nem's real name was Serenity Medeia and she looks so alike Sailor Moon with a different hairdo and haircolor..."

After seeing Sailor Nemesis nodding, Albite, Uranus' female-looking general, collected an old bet from Aragonite, while Jadeite did the same with Zoisite and Venus muttered how she and Kunzite were too honest to use the knowledge of the thing to stage a bet and make some money... Also, the Mooncats and Diana had so fake innocent look to make evident they had known all along. They, Venus, Malachite and Nemesis were the only one to have been told by the Paranoid Queen, with Nemesis having guessed that by herself beforehand, while queen Serenity had to be informed by Diana that she had a second daughter.

"Other questions?" Galaxia asked.

"No." Sailor Nemesis decreted.

"Well, I have one." Mars said. "Where that Emeraldas Maetel fake name come from?"

"You never read Matsumoto mangas, did you?" Galaxia replied.

"Never read a manga in my life. Hey... Malachite, Adamite, why did the other ran away? And why Galaxia is sneaking away?"

Sailor Mars was about finding out. Poor girl...

* * *

Some hour later, The Pentagon.

"Can you repeat, sir?" a man asked. He wore a colonel uniform of the USAF, and led a three-men team. Or, better, a two-men-one-alien team, as one of his teammates was actually a human-derived alien who looked like a big black-skinned man with a strange tattoo on his forehead.

"The higher-ups want to know about these Sailor Senshi, and they want me and your team to contact them." 'sir' replied. He was a lietenant general, and quite smiling and funny for his rank and job.

"OK... But why us and you?"

"Well, I made your team the best and you did a good job in keeping them at top, and for me... Well, let's just say I'm the expert in dealing with what we'll meet in T-"

"Hey, Jack, can you point me the Tendo dojo?"

"I can do better: I'll take you to Tokyo. Guys, meet Ryoga. He's very strong, but get lost easily."

The team looked at them and their familiarity. Obviously it wasn't the first time that Ryoga popped out the toilet asking for direction.

"And, before you ask, that's not the first time he enters from the sewers." the general said. "But the best part was when he scared to death the President when he appeared out from the toiled of the Oval Office exactly when they were telling him it was completely safe... However, when she's here we go to Tokyo. And maybe you'll find a woman. After all, with those Sailor Senshi and the r-"

"Jack, shut up." the third man of the team said.

"You're no fun."

footnotes

(1)If you younglings don't know: Maetel and Emeraldas are two near-identical twin sister, told apart by Maetel's blonde hair and Emeraldas red hair and scar on her face. They're the self-exiled princesses of Lamethal, a planet that had literally lost its soul when the population and it were mechanized in a desperate attempt of survival. Maetel, who travels the space with the space train Galaxy Express 999 searching for a young child to tutor into becoming the saviour of her homeworld's soul, is portraied as the sweet, maternal (her name is a mispelling of 'mater', the Latin for 'mother') and relatively defenceless one, yet she's armed with an handgun powerful enough to damage starships and had destroyed many planets that had threatened her pupil Tetsuro. I let you imagine the temper of her usually cold sister, the pirate queen who eternally wander the space mourning her late love... I also invite you to read Matsumoto's mangas, in particular _Captain Harlock_, _Galaxy Express 999_, _Queen Emeraldas_ and _Space Battleship Yamato_.

(2)A character from _Sailor V_. He's identical, in appearance and character, to his knockoff Umino.

(3)Another Amano clone. In the manga, where Urawa doesn't exists, he's Ami only rival in school matters.

(4)In the manga, Tuxedo Kamen never launched a rose.

(5)According to Rabbinic tradition, Zeruel, or Zeliel, is God's personal troubleshooter and the destroyer of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah and Zeboim with Fire and Brimstone. A walking arsenal of nuclear weapons, if you like, appropriatly named Arm of God. On a bit of trivia, he appeared in the same role in _Neon Genesis Evangelion_, being the most terrible of the Angels and the only one who had broke in the Central Dogma proper after blasting its way through the GeoFront with embarassing easyness and beating Unit 02 and 00 even more easily in the process before Shinji managed to win.


	4. Kisshu, Saviour

Now, now, gentlemen, a question: did I ever said WHAT the pairing was? After all, the introduction just says that one of Ranma's many fiancées is the Goddess of War, that I identified with Rei in the story... OK, I said it once, but it was on an Italian forum. Now I'll have to work for that, because, as I pointed, Rei doesn't want to marry... And you, KillKenny, shut up and think at the spoiler I owe you for having identified the aliens!

By the way, a reviewer had requested why the Sailor Senshi and associates rised in arms for Ranma. The fact i, they didn't. It's just that Minako wanted to arrest Kuno, Sailor Nemesis and Malachite wanted to arrest her, Sailor Uranus wanted to vent on the people who deprived her of the easy way out of the engagement, and Rei wanted to help Ranma. The others came out of curiosity, to offer support to Minako, Rei, Uranus, Nemesis and Malachite and to get a good laugh (the latters were Sailor Galaxia and the other Shadow Galactica members). Still, if only Minako told them everything, some of them would rise in arms for Ranma. Why? The Nekoken, for starter.

by lord Martiya

Disclaimer: the _Ranma 1/2_ manga and characters are Takahashi Rumiko's creation. The _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, its MANGA spinoff _Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon_ and all of their characters are the brainchildren of Takeuchi Naoko. The _Kyou Kara Ore Wa!!_ manga and character are the spawn of the sadistic mind of Nishimori Hiroyuki. This story and my own OC are my torture of a classical crossover format.

**ACT 4: KISSHU, SAVIOUR**

Somewhere in Minato, there was a very strange café. No, it wasn't because its customers were mostly middle and highschool girls with the occasional otaku and closet pervert, there was plenty of that. It wasn't even because its owner was a rich orphaned half-American boy in high school age with PhD degrees in Genetics, Archeology and Experimental Archeology whose job was Mad Scientist (as advertised in his visiting cards), not when some other café and pubs in all Tokyo were owned by even stranger mad scientists and the Game Center Crown and its annexed Fruit Parlor Crown were actually owned by Queen Serenity's ghost (the Furuhata family just ran it). It wasn't even because a regular customer was the perverted pointy-eared alien who had been photographed with Galaxia: the most loyal customers of the Crown Fruit Parlor were the Sailor Senshi and visitors from other planets, and they were all aliens, and many cafés and pubs at Tokyo, Roswells and Colorado Springs had Greys until 2007. It wasn't even because the waitresses were the subjects of the mad scientist experiments (the sixth waiter was the boyfriend of one of them, and the cook was the mad scientist assistant), that was standard for all the mad scientist-owned cafés. It wasn't even because it was located in a building resembling a castle-like fruit cake and housed the mad scientist lair and lab, Tokyo had much stranger buildings housing much stranger things (the Hino family would have a fit if they knew what was under Hikawa Shrine). No, it was because the mad scientist actually PAID his experiments for the job.

"Wait, do you really believe that other mad scientists PAY their experiments to work for them when they can blackmail them?" the owner asked to the pointy-eared alien.

The alien pondered for a while, then admitted: "Good point. If only Deep Blue was reasonable as you..."

"Who?"

"Deep Blue, our 'Evil Leader', as you and the Tokyo Mew Mew probably call him. Ryo Shirogane, I overstimated you: I expected you to know us better than that!"

Ryo looked around and, after confirming that the Tokyo Mew Mew weren't in the area, said: "Kisshu, I only know enough to search for a way to kill Aoyama without Ichigo finding out. And yes, I know about the source of his powers, I just can't figure how the Mew Aqua ended inside him. But what's your problem with Deep Blue?"

"It's that I found evidence of Sailor Galaxia being still alive and on Earth, so maybe the Sailors of this system may have actually returned to kick her ass and the ones who exterminated Pie's Over Nine Thousands chimera animas could be the real article. His reaction? He laughed! He though it was a prank, and a funny one! And suggested to not try impossible things in the future! He's preparing an all-out attack, and when he'll try... I DON'T WANT TO FACE SAILOR NEMESIS!!!"

"Just kill Deep Blue!"

"How do you kill a ghost?! And don't tell me to reincarnate him, he's the Blue Knight on ster-"

The two looked at each other, then proceeded to confront the worst curses of the respective languages. Kisshu won, having killed 37 birds against the 35 victims of Ryo's. Ryo, obviously, could not accept being shown off, so had something else: the solution.

"WHAT?! YOU SERIOUS?!" Kisshu exclaimed.

"Just go this place and speak with her." Ryo replied handing Kisshu a fold. "She's a ninja, and perfectly trained to kill."

"Wait, you can contact an assassin and you didn't hired her to kill the amoeba... Why?"

"Because I didn't know Aoyama warranted the expense. By the way, tell her Mr Kitty Fantastico will pay everything."

Kisshu raised an eyebrow.

"It's my nickname in the criminal world, and Willow Rosenberg's cat in _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ was named Miss Kitty Fantastico." Ryo explained.

Kisshu facepalmed.

* * *

That day, Nabiki had skipped classes. She had more important things to do. Namely, talking the Outer General, currently untransformed, into help her. Possibly without being killed in the process.

"So, you found out most of our identities and have evidences. I suppose you'll blackmail us." Malachite said, in his usual good humour.

"Please, I'm not stupid." she replied.

"Strange, you have the reputation of an Ice Queen who would do this without regret."

"I repeat, I'm not stupid. I love to know things, and sell them, but I know all too well that there're much bigger players than me. No blackmail outside family, asking permission from yakuza for the shadier businesses, and so on. If they'll offer me a job, I'll accept to not provoke them, if not I'll just go into politics or some business. I have some experience with the stock marker, after all..."

"So, that's how those accounts are so big. I mean yours, your family's and Saotome Ranma's ones."

"Exactly. And the fact you know about them is one of the many reasons I won't even try to blackmail you. Your ability to disintegrate me played a bigger role, but... Well, here the evidences."

Nabiki handed them a package, containing everything she had that could lead to the Sailor Senshi.

"So, why did you revealed your knowledge and renounced every leverage against us?" Albite asked.

"I suppose Sailor Venus didn't told you everything about Ranma's life."  
"So?" Aragonite asked.

"Well, I need your help before he snaps."

The five rised their eyebrows.

"Ever heard about the Nekoken?"

* * *

For Ranma it was a relatively good day. Kuno had tried to attack him, only to be knocked down by an anvil falling on his head before being arrested again by Minako, and the Hentai Horde was still too scared by Sailor Uranus' stunt for even thinking to 'ask a date'. Actually most of them, and all the club captains, were still hospitalized, and half of the hospitalized were permanently crippled in one way or another, so the absence of the leaders may have been the reason. Rei had came to the school to take a look around, and for once he had managed to impress her with something Minako didn't told (she didn't even know), namely the tale of his fight with Saffron.

Obviosly it hadn't been perfect, as Ukyo had showed up and tried to talk him. Ranma was still very enraged with her for what happened at the failed wedding, and all the good will she had gained by not coming to try and kill Rei when Nabiki told her, sending instead an okonomiyaki with her greetings for joining the Fiancée Brigade, had been completely expended into making Ranma not try and kill her. After all, how could he take easy the betrayal of his best friend?

Still, in spite of this, and Ukyo's obvious suffering at Ranma's refusal to talk with her with related guilt, it was a relatively good day. After all, nobody was willing to do anything remotely provoking with him, as Rei had a deadly aim (just for show she had executed Robin Hood's stunt of shooting a bullseye and then split the arrow with a second blow shot while the first arrow was still flying) and no mercy, and, as Akane had explained, her bow was not the traditional yumi but the much more powerful English longbows(1). Oh, Rei still had a yumi for use in cerimonies and Kyudo contests, but her favorite bows were English longbows, capable to kill even elephants(2). After a while, Ranma started to wonder how much it would last.

"Excuse me..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ALIEN INVADER!!!"

"Wait, I..."

"DIE, BASTARD!!!"

"Bad day..."

Kisshu had appeared in class. A student, scared, had cried in fear, and Akane had attacked, shattering a wall attempting to hit Kisshu.

"Nice try, cutie." Kisshu said. "Still, you lack coordination. Hell, you're coordinated as Mew Retasu, and she's a notorious goof!"

The best part was that he was right. Of course, Kisshu did not mentioned that Mew Retasu was goofy only outside battle, his objective was enraging Akane.

"WHAT?!?!?! _**DIE!!!**_"

And he was pretty good, at that. At every blow Kisshu dodged in the strangest manners and taunted, and the following attack missed more. At one point, Akane's overpunched enough to get groped.

"YOU PERVERT!!! FIGHT ME SERIOUSLY!!!" Akane shout.

"As you wish." he replied, smiling in a sadistic way.

Akane suddendly understood she was outclassed, but couldn't run before Kisshu extracted her life energy, knocking her out.

"Now that the ape is out of commission, I'd l-She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" Kisshu said.

"Right." Ranma replied, deadpan, while the temperature in the class decreased for the Soul of Ice.

Now, there was a reason if Deep Blue had once used that annoying pervert as his main enforcer, and that was a combination between his twisted but intelligent mind and his ability to judge what anybody could do with a glance. That was why Kisshu knew he couldn't take on Ranma, being inferior in speed, technique and strenght, and reacted as he did.

"I knew she was an ape!" he stated while observing the chimera anima born from Akane's life force. An ape-like being, of course. "ATTACK!"

The 'Ape' started to attack Ranma, who immediatly received Ukyo's help.

"Popular with girls, I see..." Kisshu said.

**BOOM!**

"Very popular." Kisshu said after observing the chimera anima being reduced to Akane's life force by an arrow filled with Rei's power, the miko standing on the door with a second arrow with her crows giving Akane her energy back. "Too late to say 'sorry'?"

* * *

With a light, five figures materialized in the Furinkan High School yard. They were Ryoga, the four military and a blonde woman, apparently pissed off.

"Are you sure it was safe, sir?" she asked.

"Don't worry, stranger things happen every day here." the general replied.

She was about replying when they heard the scream 'PERVERT!!!', immediatly followed by Ryoga screaming 'RANMA, I KILL YOU!' and Kisshu materializing on Ryoga's head.

"Oh, god, she's a demon! Only because I groped her a bit while she tried to kill me..." he said.

"So, Ranma is innocent, this time..." Ryoga grumbled.

"Oh, bugger..."

Ryoga swinged his umbrella to hit Kisshu, but the alien dodged, letting the blow make contact with Ryoga's own head. Knock out. Then, the Americans aimed their P90(3) at Kisshu, who recognized them.

"Oh, you have to be kidding me..." he said. "First Sailor Galaxia, then the crazy ones who destroyed the booming voice guys who were the dominant force in the galaxy and made a world being swallowed by a black hole... And no, the motherfucker's homeworld is still active, they dialed from a subjugated world and never dared to try again."

"Explain the groping part." the woman said, pressing her weapon on Kisshu's crotch.

"Hey, I appeared there to talk with a ninja, a student cried like I was trying to kill her, and then the ape-woman attacked. Given she was trying to kill me with no reason, she was worth of no respect, and was pretty cute."

Four Americans out of five didn't believed him, and the woman was about shooting. Then...

"Your hair is not permitted!"

"To protect Earth we will beat you! Meow!"

"DIE, PERVERT!"

"HEY!!! YOU ATTACKED ME FIRST!!!"

"YOU, MINION OF THE VILE SORCERER! YOU SHALL DIE!!!"

"FOR AKANE!!!"

"RIBBON LETTUCE RUSH!"

"OH, PIGTAILED GIRL!"

"LET ME GO!"

"Oink?!?!?!"

"P-CHAN?!?!?!"

"OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!!!"

... a mobile coconut plant (alias Principal Kuno) attacked the alien trying to shave his hair, a group of magical girls hybridated with various animals (that the Americans would later discover being the Tokyo Mew Mew) plus a blonde sword-wielding elf (the Blue Knight, even if the Americans would report him as the Legolas LookAlike) joined the Principal, Akane, Ranma, Ukyo and Rei jumped from the window bound to kill him, Kuno reappeared to attack Kisshu, somehow believing he was Ranma's minion, Ryoga recovered and joined the merry chase, Mew Lettuce's water-based attack splashed both Ranma and Ryoga, who became girl and P-Chan, Kuno groped Ranma-girl, and Akane, finding out Ryoga's secret, malleted him in orbit before rejoin the chase.

"Welcome to Tokyo." the general said. "Now we should head to Minato, the Sailor Senshi work in that ward."

Unable to reply, the Americans followed their leader, just in time to miss Hinako Ninomiya calming all of them but the Principal with an Happo Goensatsu. Oh, I forgot, Rei and the Blue Knight didn't even noticed, she was protected by magic and he had too much energy.

"What's happening?" Hinako asked.

"I just appeared to talk with a ninja, a Kuonji Ukyo, when I was attacked without provocation." Kisshu said.

"You groped me!" Akane cried.

"After you started attackinAHIAHIAHIAHI!!!"

"How do you take off these fake ears?" Principal Kuno wondered.

"Nobody touch my EARS!!!"

Suddendly Principal Kuno found himself chimerized, then disappeared.

"What?" everybody asked.

"I was about using it on the amoeba before I found out he was the Blue Knight." Kisshu said. "The chimera anima had been automatically beamed at the position of a certain policewoman, who today is off duty and shopping."

"What's her name?" Ranma asked.

* * *

Shibuya, some fashion shop.

"Hello, this is inspector Kotobuki Ran(4), of the Metropolitan Police." a beautiful woman with permed orange-red hair announced. "Because a youma attack, I have to order a temporary closure of this shop until the youma is neutralized and police does the checks. NOW GO GET IT!"

Principal Kuno's corpse was never identified.

* * *

After Kisshu revealed her name, silence fell. Kotobuki Ran, once self-proclaimed Master of Shibuya, was quite famous, and even Kuno wouldn't dare to interrupt her during shopping out of fear of her kicks augmented by her steel platform boots. Then, the students reacted.

"ALL HAIL KISSHU!!!"

"LONG LIFE TO THE GREAT ELF!!!"

"I'm what you call a konohatengu(5)..." Kisshu pointed out while enjoying contact with Ranma's and Hinako's breast from their hugs.  
At that point the Tokyo Mew Mew decided it was for the best going away, before Kisshu realized he had at his service people who could kill the Blue Knight (he wanted to kill him since they met the first time, after all). Then, after a lot of hugging and using Kuno's temporary distraction as he hired Buddhist monks for his father's funeral (after all he promised to do so right after his return from Hawa'i, just before trying to kill him), Hinako Ninomiya declared: "We, teachers and students of Furinkan High, owe you a lot, for freeing us from that tyrant. Ask whatever you want."

Kisshu though to an harem for a moment. Then his twisted sense of honor prevailed, and he took another look at one of the info cards Ryo gave him about Furinkan.

"I have only two requests. First of all... Saotome Ranma!" he called.

"Yes?" she replied.

"One of your girlfriends wants to talk you, listen to her. HERE AND NOW."

It happened that Ukyo wanted to explain her role in the failed wedding. She was preparing to celebrate the marriage when the Jonin(6) of her clan called and declared that if Saotome Ranma married ANYBODY different from her he, the bride, Genma and everybody who could retaliate were to be killed. So Ukyo came up with a lie, telling her jonin that the marriage was just a show to try and break the Tendo engagement without dishonoring Akane and she was about reciting the part of the wedding-crasher, expecting help from Shanpoo for that. As he buyed the lie, Ukyo had to use the okonomiyaki bombs she had prepared to defend the wedding from Shanpoo to help the crazy Chinese.

"Wait, who tell us you are not making this up and you and Ranma were actually trying to break us up?" Akane asked.

"This, sugar, is a secret that will remain between Ranma, Konatsu and me." Ukyo replied. "You know, if they find out I lied to the jonin, the Momochi Ryu(7) will come, kill all I care for and then kill me, all in a rather gruesome way... Remember, NEVER provoke shinobi, specially the militaristic ones of Iga."

"Yeah, you're right... You have no idea of what I had to do after I provoked a member of the Fujiwara Ryu(8)..." Kisshu declared. "I was almost raped! Me! THE INCARNATION OF LUST OF MINATO WARD!"

Nobody dared to comment.

"However, now I have my second request, the one I originally came here for." Kisshu said. "Kuonji Ukyo, of Momochi Ryu, I want to hire you to kill a person."

"Just give me the name and I'll do the job for free." Ukyo replied.

"Come with me, we'll talk about th-"

"HEY! WHAT'CHA DOING?!"

"Language... Real... Bigger than Makoto..."

Apparently, after the control touch Rei was having an attack of inferiority complex about Ranma-girl bust. That was, in fact, bigger than Makoto's, who had the most 'talent' of all the Sailor Senshi (edging even Sailor Nemesis and Sailor Pluto, who had shared the record until a couple months earlier). Not that Rei would react violently as Akane did and Ranma feared, it was just annoying that a MALE had bigger tits than the biggest of all the Sailors and had still a couple year to develop. And Rei had to explain the thing, edulcorating it without mention to the Sailor Senshi.

"Yeah, quite annoying." Malachite stated after appearing from nowhere with his fellow generals and Nabiki while pouring Ranma with hot water. "Tell me, Saotome Ranma, is it true that your father tied you up with fish products and thrown you into a pits full of starving cats at least four times, only because he didn't read the full entry on the Nekoken technique that labeled it as something very stupid and didn't have the common sense to understand that by himself?"

"Yeah..." Ranma replied.

"And is it true that he engaged you forty-seven times and that forty-six cases were to pay food you didn't even eat?"

"As far I know, I was engaged that way only two times, but given that I found out I was engaged to Ukyo only when she tried to kill me..."

"Oh, for Serenity Medeia's paranoia..."

Malachite proceded to verify all of Nabiki's claims about Ranma's life, and found out that Nabiki didn't even know everything. At that point Rei was istinctively hugging Ranma, while the Generals and all the presents save for Akane were wondering how was that Ranma didn't went mad years earlier. Yes, even Nabiki: she was wondering even more than before.

"Fears not, Saotome." Malachite declared. "For we, the five most devious minds of the known universe, shall help you! You deserve our help, and the retribution on your foes shall be great and powerful as Fire and Brimstone summoned by God's Wrath!"

"Sorry, but why the Foul Sorcerer should deserve such an help?" a returning Kuno asked.

"For he's not the Foul Sorcerer, he's his favorite victim."

While the two talked, and Malachite explained Genma's crimes, Ranma looked at the general with horror. A Kuno was more than enough, but two of them...

"Don't worry, he can control." Albite said.

"Wait, what do you mean with that?" Ranma asked.

"Well... The more a swordsman is good, the more his speeches are elaborate. It comes with the skill. But thanks to God, the boss can control himself, and uses the speeches only when he wants to announce something great or talks to another swordsman."

"Saotome Ranma, I humbly Apologize." Kuno suddendly declared. "I was blinded by Genma's vile magic, and could not realize what you and Tendo Nabiki were telling me. I could not understand that you and the Pigtailed Girl were one and the same, effect of Genma's curse, and for that, and for my foolish aggressions, I apologize. And I'll repay you, by slaying the vile being unfit even to be called a human being! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! SAOTOME GENMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!"

Kuno ran away, hellbent into killing Genma.

"Kicking some sense into the deluded asshole: check." Malachite stated.

* * *

China, Mount Phoenix.

It wasn't exactly a good day for Kiima. They had just finished repairing the damages from Ranma's battle against Saffron when they received a visit. From a man in business suit who acted as he was the owner of the place. And the worst part was that he OWNED the place, in a sense. And was pissed for Saffron's stunt with the hot springs.

"You should kill him and install a modern heating system." he said after hearing all the story, his tone hinting a 'Or Else...' that not even the Saffron who had been killed by Ranma would dare to challenge. More for his people (after all they had raised him as a spoiled HEATING SYSTEM, and without people to warm he wouldn't have an objective in life), he could survive (probably). But Kiima had a reply.

"Comrade, do you know how that would cost?" Kiima replied.

The man in business suit calculated the amount, then understood why the Phoenix Tribe was saving money for that since before the abolition of the monarchy, and frozed. A mountain was a BIG place, after all, as his leaders admitted after he asked them by cell phone.

"They understand, and appreciate your efforts to do the job by yourselves." he referred. "Still, I need to make sure you'll educate him well, this time."

"As obvious." Kiima replied. She was ready to celebrate, they were save.

"LADY KIIMA!!! SAFFRON HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!!!"

"Do you know what will happen if he become dangerous?" the man in business suit asked.

"Bang. Bang. Bang." Kiima replied.

"Exactly. Still, we'll try to recover him alive. Good day, comrade Kiima."

footnotes

(1)The traditional English bow. In the hand of a skilled bowman the bow can shoot 900 N blows (standing world record, in a world where nobody has his life depending from his skills with the longbow), being so capable of penetrating the strongest armors of French knights, shooting arrows up to 249.9 m (current recorded record) and outstanding accuracy (to qualify as English longbowman in medieval times it was required passing a test consisting in hitting a man-sized target at 182.88 m, or 200 yards, twelve times out of twelve). The high diffusion of the English longbow guaranteed England outstanding victories against knight armies and a check on nobility absent in other countries (other countries hadn't peasants capable to slaughter knights if they tried to oppress their people), as remembered in the Robin Hood legend. English longbow had actually been considered for use during Napoleonic wars, and only the fact that England had no more the people capable to use it spared the Grande Armée from being slaughtered by something with similar range and superior rate of fire and accuracy of Napoleonic-era muskets.

(2)That's actually the job of African longbows made for killing elephants, but they have coincidentally the same power of English longbows. With piercing arrows, English longbowmen worth of the name could obtain similar results.

(3)A Belgian-made submachine gun, fully capable to pierce most body armor.

(4)That's the same Kotobuki Ran from _GALS!_. At the end of the manga she decided to join the force to protect Shibuya's people.

(5)Konohatengu (literally 'tengu with a leaf'), also called daitengu ('great tengu') and hanatakatengu ('tall-nosed tengu') are a kind of crow-demon in Japanese myth. They are usually depicted as men with VERY long noses (alleged to be actually masks to hide their crow-like faces. The nose would hide the beak) dressed as yamabushi hermits, and normally carry an oversized leaf (or normal size feather's fan) they can use to control wind and, sometimes, storm. Their role is of angry, and dangerous, protectors and avengers. Casually, Kisshu and his kin resembles konohatengus with relatively short noses (but still long if compared to human ones) and alternative clothes, with Pie even carrying a konohatengu fan he uses to unleash wind and lightning and their actions having the stated objective to protect Earth by exterminating mankind.

(6)In the hierarchy of the Iga province ninjas, jonin is the head of the clan (shinobigashira in other provinces) whose identity is normally a secret even for the other ninjas, chunin are intermediate-rank ninjas with mainly PR and coordination job, and genin are the low-rank operatives who carried out most of the jobs (chunin exposing themselves only when needed).

(7)An historical clan of Iga ninja. One of their most illustrious representatives was Momochi Sandayu, one of the leaders of Iga resistance against Oda Nobunaga (the only time Nobunaga's foes were able to not be completely exterminated and/or enslaved without surrender and praying for mercy).

(8)Fujiwara is the name of three famous families. One is a Iga ninja clan, one is a Koga ninja clan, and the third is a now fragmented clan whose members controlled the Emperors of Japan first by regency and then with the Shogunate (accessible only to members of this family, like the Tokugawa clan, descending from Minamoto clan of the greater Fujiwara clan) and still produces all the brides of the Imperial family.


	5. Malachite, Batshit Crazy

Well well well... Looking in the manga, I saw that it's not said anywhere WHEN Ranma and Akane were engaged, it's only said that Happosai had been sealed in the grotto for ten years and hinted that he got free in the moment he appeared the first time in the manga. No timeline specified. So, you know what? Here Genma and Soun apprenticeship to Happosai ended just a couple months before Ranma and Genma's infamous training trip, and Ranma at the time was 2. It should explain how Happosai knew of Akane, having heared about her by Soun. If you ask about this in the reviews, I'll just point here, if I'll do anything. Also, I was asked how I could consider Ranma sane. The answer is: I don't, at least not in absolute sense. It's just that he can stand his life and and the rest without snapping and going on a killing spree and/or suiciding, and that's more than what most people could even dream of. Seriously, if MY father ever throw me in a pit full of starving cats while tied with fish products I would have killed him in his sleep!

by lord Martiya

Disclaimer: the _Ranma 1/2_ manga and characters are Takahashi Rumiko's creation. The _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, its MANGA spinoff _Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon_ and all of their characters are the brainchildren of Takeuchi Naoko. The _Kyou Kara Ore Wa!!_ manga and character are the spawn of the sadistic mind of Nishimori Hiroyuki. The anime _Tokyo Mew Mew_, may its American and French fans watch the original version soon, are a Studio Pierrot adaptation of Yoshida Reiko and Ikumi Mia's manga of the same name. This story and my own OC are my torture of a classical crossover format.

**ACT 5: MALACHITE, BATSHIT CRAZY**

The life of Hino Rei was filled with contradictions. This is normal for all sentients, and most of them have difficults to see it, but Rei's were quite unusual, and mostly centered around her miko status. As a miko, and having a yamato nadesico look, she was supposed to be always gentle, a bit mysterious and completely defenceless against anything but demons, yet she wasn't exactly gentle and clearly wasn't defenceless at all (ask Tiger's Eye ghost(1) and Jadeite for reference). As a miko, she was supposed to have nothing to do with other faiths apart Buddhism, yet she had studied in a catholic private junior high school and graduated as the best of her class. As herself, she hated her father for having abandoned her at the shrine and not visiting her dying mother, yet her character resembled his more than mother's, and she even had a very similar system of values. As a miko, she was supposed to not even touch the so-called burakumin(2), yet she not only had secretly been in contact and giving religious help to many burakumin even before starting to recover her memories of her previous life (with the related values system) but many of her fellow Sailor Senshi were actually engaged in burakumin occupations, as the Senshi of Nemesis was the traditional executioner of the higher classes of Silver Millennium and the Outer Senshi her helpers (with Saturn even serving as the undertaker), and her best friend Minako was a burakumin (as Artemis had found out when the superintendent-general Sakurada casually mentioned to have completely modified the records of her ancestors from tanners to impoverished samurai. Rei knew because Artemis asked her about the tanners). And now, she was caught in yet another contradiction: as a miko she was supposed to remain virgin until retiring or becoming a full-fledged priestess and having no sex-related though, yet she had caught herself falling for Ranma and even having a wet dream about him. But how could it be helped? What his father did him had awoken her maternal/protective instincts, and the simple fact he could deal with that without snapping and going on a killing spree spoke loud of his 'being a man among men', as his mother put it.

As this last contradiction wasn't enough, there were Malachite and his Picnic Pals, as he called them in an ironic reference to a group of serial killers(3), who had took interest in the case. And that could mean trouble.

"What's the problem?" Ranma asked her.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

Ranma pointed Rei's human-sized practice target: it had the form of a man, and Rei had blown five arrows in its 'crotch'.

"Do you remember those guys of two days ago? They are batshit crazy, and I'm scared by what they could do." Rei said.

"Hey, don't worry, they can't do worse of what I'm accustomed for!"

"They normally resides in Minato, and you have no idea of what happens in that ward."

* * *

In the meantime, in a police station in Minato, officer Kuroi, one of the self-proclaimed Police Shitennou(4), was having a very bad day.

"OK, what are the probabilities of an US Air Force lieutenant general and an alien warlord meeting before a police station and starting beating each other before one of their group can attempt to provoke?" he said.

The leader of the American and the warlord had the decency to look sheepish.

"General, I don't want to know what you are doing here, but why in the hell you attacked him?" Kuroi asked.

"Because he's invading Earth?" the general replied.

"OK... And you?

**"He's directly and indirectly responsible for many deaths in our family, including our grandfather, our grandmother, our great-uncle, all of our uncles, and our father, and the only one he met and didn't killed was our despicable cousin whose death would be celebrated until the end of the universe by all the living creatures."** the warlord replied, his voice booming and his eyes glowing.

"OK... I'll tell you one thing." Kuroi said. "General, your opponent comes on Earth on vacation since 1998, and has never created problems. He also carries all the necessary documents."

The general looked at the warlord, astonished. The warlord just smiled.

"Wait, why?" he asked.

**"Half of the galaxy adores us as a god. The other half wants us dead, possibly in a gruesome and painful way. Our peers are mostly crazy egomaniacs, as your experience can confirm. Sometimes we need a break, as our grandfather did when you popped out on his vacation resort with a nuclear weapon."** the warlord replied.

"Tutankamon tried to destroy Earth because I was scouting for dangers?!?!?!"

**"Because you scouted with a nuclear weapon. And His name was NOT Tutankamon."**

"SHUT UP!" Kuroi screamed. "You, my lord, have to accept that all of your losses happened in war, it could happen to him!"

"And don't forget that your grandmother tried to rape the entire base." the general added.

**"She had not adopted a sex-goddess persona just for show, and had been sex starved for millennia. You're LUCKY she tried that instead of going on a killing spree."** the warlord replied.

"HO-"

"Enough! You beat each other again, and you will be arrested and jailed, or EXPELLED!"

That calmed the warlord. He could remember one of his pals who had never had a vacation. He had trusted the foe he was fighting until two hours earlier and went to dinner at her palace. She beheaded him, and his head was still hanging in her dining room...

* * *

"I doubt Minato has something like a panda working as a janitor for a doctor." Ranma declared.

"Does Nerima have a bunch of alien warlords hellbent on destroy Earth and killing each other that once a year stop their attacks, come here on vacation and are fans of fortune telling?" Rei replied, showing a photo of herself and the mentioned warlords (comprising the one in Minato).

"Not yet."

"And remember, those five are crazy even for Minato's standards, and quite vengeful. Look at what they did to Genma just for a starter."

Ranma winced as he remembered what Kuno did attacking Genma for having FUSED Ranma and his same-named sister (hey, even Malachite had limits, and Kuno's stupidity was one!): the old panda had understimated the kendo-boy enough to take one of his slashes, and immediatly found out why even RYOGA didn't dared to do so(5). Oh, Genma won with one hit, thanks to Kuno's relatively low defensive ability and prejudice on not-armed combatants, but he still got all his ribs broken by an air-pressure slash. Not even the boken, the AIR PRESSURE.

"You know, I just hope to not be caught in the crossfire." Ranma said.

* * *

Somewhere.

"Gentlemen, I'll now proceed to describe the sources of Saotome Ranma's issues." Malachite declared.

Behind him appeared an hologram of Saotome Genma and Saotome Nodoka.

"Saotome Genma, you know about him, and I'm taking steps for dealing with him. It's quite personal, as the Nekoken was found in the _Just For Laugh_ section of _Taka Clan Survival Manual_. Not the _Don't Try Without an Hospital or a Psychiatrist Handy_, the _Just For Laugh_." Malachite declared.

The Generals nodded. In his previous life, Malachite had been chief of the Clan Taka, one of the most powerful and the most military-oriented clan of Nemesis, before resigning out of conflict of interests when he was choose as general. It was just natural he and the current and retired chiefs of the clan would take that personal. And if they took that personal... Well, they could very well imagine what was bound to happen. Specially if he used a technique from that section, comprising many techniques quite powerful but too dangerous to be even put in the _Don't Try Without an Hospital or a Psychiatrist Handy_. And that one included using a tentacle monster as sex-ed.

"Nodoka is as guilty as him, both for letting him do his shit and the seppuku thing Nabiki told us. And now I'm wondering about taking seriously a pledge from a two-years old child. Now, the Tendos."

The hologram was changed with one of Soun crying, Kasumi keeping the house clean, Nabiki counting money and Akane in dogi with her mallet raised.

"Kasumi is quite a saint, and one of the few Ranma's anchors to sanity. Frankly, we should compense her." Malachite said.

"I'm working on it." Aragonite replied, provoking a general giggle. They knew him, and what he would probably do.

"Nabiki, she didn't told some thing." Malachite continued. "Namely, the source of her income. She sells snapshots of Akane, then keeps a 10% commission and place the rest in an account all the Tendos have theorical access to. Theorical because Akane and Soun don't even know it exists, while Ranma do but shut up knowing that Akane would tell Soun, and Soun can't be trusted. 1/3 of the account is kept safe maturing interests, 1/3 is invested in safe operations and 1/3 is invested in riskier but more fruitful investements. Nabiki's personal account is managed in the same way, and founded by the 10% income. Then, Ranma's snapshots. The managing is the same, and the founding was like Tendo's until some time ago, but then Nabiki stopped keeping a 10% commission from the snapshot, and in the rare occasions she flunks the risky investement she refunds it from her personal account. I linked this to a fact is not my place to say. People knowing of the account are Ranma, Nabiki herself and Kasumi, but Genma and Nodoka are kept in the dark as Nodoka would tell Genma. I propose we don't punish Nabiki and will instead offer her protection from Yakuza and a job."

The Generals nodded.

"Now, Tendo 'The Pawn' Soun." Malachite said. "His first sin is Darwin Award Level-Idiocy for being tricked by Genma into accepting the engagement. The second is Greed, with all of his and Genma's attempts to have Ranma pay for their alcohol, but Kasumi took care of it."

Calcite snorted.

"I'm not joking: Kasumi asked them why they were doing that, and, before her angelic visage the two stopped, with Genma starting to work as janitor for Tofu exactly to pay for that and give Ranma's back his money." Malachite explained. "And I dare you to refuse something to Tendo Kasumi, the woman that Happosai doesn't dare to grope out of fear of anticipating the Apocalypse just for God getting back at him for molesting a so pure woman. Come on! I dare you! And I'll give you a month of pay if you can!"

Calcite didn't replied. After all, Malachite was infamously short-handed...

"Third Sin: he made Tendo Akane a bitch." Malachite continued. "After her mother's death she threw in the training for him, yet he trained her very little. He was so fully into his depression to ignore her training until she got perfect mastery of a move. Between that and Kuno, I'm almost sorry that we'll have to target her. Now, how will we punish him?"

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Dad! What's wrong?!" Akane asked.

"Just prepare the tombstone, Malachite and his pals are targeting him." Rei said.

"Wait, whAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"And you're next."

"It was like someone closed the hot water during a shower..."

"You're the target..."

"Why?"

Rei decided to not list the reasons. Not that Akane would believe...

* * *

In their lair, the five generals were laughing mad.

"Eh eh... Now, the Amazons." Malachite said after wiping the tears and making appear an hologram of Shanpoo, Cologne and Mousse. "By the way... Adamite?"

"No, they have no link with Silver Millennium." the swirly-glassed nerdy general replied. "They're just the descendants of a feminist Scythian tribe who in 202 BC got their asses kicked by Scipio Africanus in present-day Tunisia(6) after raiding all the way through Parthian Empire and Egypt,and ran all the way to China. I have found all of their history."

"Good, I'll look at it later." Malachite said.

"Wait, how is that the Amazons ran for so long?" Albite asked.

"Scipio legions in Africa were centered around the survivors of Cannae, the most ferocious troops ever deployed in Rome's history(7), hated, despised, forced to remain on foreign soil until Hannibal left Italy, and probably quite sex-starved as no Roman woman would have contact with them and Sicilians and Africans had smarted up enough to surrender or run when they arrived so they had no excuse for sacking and all the rest. What would they do to an all-female army?"

No anwer was needed. Then, Malachite explained his idea, and Shanpoo's cry was heard in all the province.

"Lord, I can't do that." Aragonite said. "I'm not good enough for that potion."

"That's why I asked someone else to brew it." Malachite replied.

* * *

Sailor Senshi Headquarter, under the Game Center Crown.

"Boss, that's scary." Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon said.

"I know." Galaxia replied. "Why do you think Sailor Saturn chored us to help her?"

"Augh..."

"And now, the porcoupine lard!" Sailor Nemesis ordered, before cackling as Doctor Tomoe while implanting a Daimon.

"And they call ME a deviant..." Galaxia complained. "Do I want to know what are we preparing?"

Sailor Nemesis told her.

"Now I understand why Greeks represented you as a sadistic..." Galaxia replied.

"Thanks, I'm doing my best." Nemesis replied. "And I know it wasn't meant as a compliment."

* * *

While having lunch with Rei, the Tendos and his family, Ranma was puzzled. The day before, most of the people he knew in Nerima had experienced something they described as a mix between doing a shower with the hot water being suddendly replaced by very COLD water and feeling a bunch of crazes staging a rave party on their grave, and Rei described the experience as symptoms of Malachite and his pals preparing to strike them. But why they were targeting his mother? And what could they do? And was it related to the incoming gallopping noise he was hearing?

"Hello, everybody!" Malachite exclaimed from his rearing horse.

Apparently, the answer at his last question was yes.

"I just took residence in Nerima, and a friend of mine told me it's tradition that newcomers kidnaps-try to kill-endanger in some way the Fairest of the Tendo Ladies. I opted for kidnapping." Malachite declared. "KK, may you do the job?"

As Aragonite teleported in, Akane stand up for the usual kidnapping, fight and rescue. Then, Aragonite grabbed Kasumi and teleported away.

"Just a question: why most people assume that the Fairest of the Tendo Ladies is the gorillesque one who never acted as a lady?" Malachite asked after leaving a map for his lair.

Before Akane could react, Malachite was running away on his horse at a speed well over two hundred MPH.

"We're doomed." Nabiki deadpanned.

"Why, why, he'll return your sister soon..." Soun said.

"I fears not: Malachite's quite crazy, you'll have to at least try seriously." Rei said finishing her rice.

The residents of Tendo-ke recoiled from Akane screaming about her cooking.

"I take that you aren't exactly a genious in the kitchen..." Rei inquired.

"Well, no..." Akane admitted. "But I'm not THAT bad!"

* * *

New York.

"Fellow delegates, now that you've recovered, do you concur that Akane Tendo's cooking is terrible as I said?" a Japanese man asked.

192 men and women declared their consensus. In ten minutes, the General Assembly of the United Nations would unanimously pass a resolution banning Akane from cooking. EVER. In a couple days, the member nations would pass laws enforcing this. And Malachite was not responsible: the Japanese governement acted before he could ask the Georgian one to do the job...

* * *

Ranma had organized a rescue force comprising Rei, Akane, Soun (Genma was still healing from Kuno's slash), Ukyo and Konatsu (Ranma was still wondering about the alien warlord leaving the restaurant on a litter and escorted by fifty armored 'men' wearing hawk masks. Ukyo said they were just new customers who had heard about her by Minako, but still...), Kuno (Ranma didn't wanted to involve him, but he was eating at Ucchan's...) and Mousse, who was actually thanking Rei for giving Shanpoo a lesson. Apparently her total refusal of even thanking him after he renounced the occasion to enslave her and the crashed wedding had completely destroyed his hero worship for her. Still, it was a bad sign that, after returning perfectly healed, Shanpoo and Cologne had disappeared. Who knows what they were coming up at...

Now the merry group was wandering in the sewers, reaching for Malachite's lair.

"He doesn't want his lair to be know." Rei explained. "That's the only reason he gave us a map and is having us going through the sewers instead of just giving us the address or some hint and laugh at us while we struggled..."

"OK... What we should expect?" Ranma asked.

"Dunno."

"Uh?"

"I can't stand the group for more than five minutes in a raw, and I never met them one on one."

"Feh! They'll know my righteous fury!" Kuno declared, only to be ignored as always.

* * *

Gates of the Space and Time.

"Tell me, how did you managed to enter in my realm bypassing all the magical wards, physical barriers, energy shields and pickets of Royal Lancers?" Sailor Pluto asked, a Dead Scream ready on the top of the Garnet Staff.

"Uh... I got lost searching for the Unryo Pig Farm..." Ryoga replied.

* * *

The merry band had reached Malachite's lair, and found itself in a room resembling Ryu's stage in the famous _Street Fighter II_ game save for the Black Poison Crystals. And Rei was cursing: at the level she was, if she arrived transformed she would overwhelm the crystals, but as she came untransformed she couldn't even call her power and was forced to rely on her ki. She had a lot of it, thanks to natural talent, miko training and Galaxia's tortur-er, training, but wasn't even paragonable to her magical boost.

"You arrived, at last." a voice said from the shadows.

"Who are thou, vile accomplice of the kidnappers of the holy Kasumi?!" Kuno asked.

"In our previous life we were one. In this we were separated in three different persons to ensure our survival long enough to recover our power. Now we are reunited. Our name is ADAMITE."

Adamite appeared from the shadows, dressed with a white karate gi with sleeves ripped off at the shoulders, a black belt, a red headband and bare foots. In short, dressed as Ryu from _Street Fighter II_ onwards. Nice attire, even if the effect was ruined by the swirl-like glasses...

"And now, thou shall die!" Kuno declared. "I ATTACK!!!"

"_**SHINKUU HADOKEN!**_"

What was Rei saying? To expect anything, right?

footnotes

(1)First manga victim of Mars Flame Sniper.

(2)A Japanese social minority, they are the descendants of the eta (lit. 'filthy mass', the people who in feudal Japan worked death-related occupations such leather-workers, undertakers and executioners deemed unclean by Shinto belief) and hinin (lit. 'non human', ex-convicts and vagrants who worked as town guards, street cleaners and entertainers). While the caste system that determined their ostracization and segregation was abolished in 1871 by the law Kaihorei ('emancipation edict'. Originally labeled Senmin Haishirei, 'Edict Abolishing Ignoble Classes'), burakumin and residents of former burakumin areas are still discriminated, while the Kaihorei actually economically damaged them by stripping their effective monopoly on leather and butchering and making them taxable.

(3)Picnic pals, or, in Italian, compagni di merende, is the nickname the mass media gave to Mario Vanni, Giancarlo Lotti and the late Pietro Pacciani, the first two condemned as the authors of the eighteen murders of the Monster of Florence and the third died in prison under unclear circumstances before he could be tried in definitive way. The nickname stems from Vanni's affirmations that his only bound with Pacciani were some picnics they did together.

(4)The craziest police officers in the _Sailor Moon_ franchise. They're four officer of the Live Action interpreted by the Shitennou's actors (hence the name Police Shitennou) appearing in _Act 0: The Birth of Sailor V_ in a bumbly attempt to catch the jewel thief Cutie Kenko. They managed to do the job when he and his gang were fighting Sailor V (and apparently winning!), only to be distracted by Cutie Kenko helicopter trick, trick that failed when V destroyed the stereo from where the helicopter noise came. I couldn't resist putting Kuroi here...  
(5)There was a story arc where an amnesiac Kuno showed his true strenght. Ranma couldn't lay a finger on him. Thanks Takahashi-hime, at the end of the story he returned normal...

(6)A little play on the mentions of Amazons in Roman historiography. The famous general-historian Caesar spoke of the Amazons before the Senate, and an historian of his armies wrote of them. Roman historians alternatively placed them in Taurus Mountains (in what is now southern Turkey), east of the Tanais river (modern Don), Caucasus and Western Lybia.

(7)After the debacle of Cannae, the Roman survivors, charged for desertion, were reorganized into two legions and sent to Sicily, with the order of not returning in Italy until Hannibal and his army remained on Italian soil. As result, these legions tried to lure Hannibal in Sicily by wiping out his allies in the island in ways unbelievably cruel even for them when betrayed, reaching the absolute maximum of creepiness at Syracuse by wiping out all the population while at the same time leaving the buildings intact. After conquering Spain, Scipio (another survivor who had been sent to command the Spain front and had been elected consul) received their command and, after retraining them, used these troops as core of the army that invaded Africa in 204 BC and in 201 lured Hannibal in Africa before defeating him at Zama.


End file.
